In the meantime…

Some old internet bits, supposedly gaffes from medical charts:

1.  The patient refused autopsy.

2.  The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3.  Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4.  She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot
   in bed last night.

5.  Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6.  On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

7.  The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be
depressed.

8.  The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9.  Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10.  Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.

11.  Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12.  She is numb from her toes down.

13.  While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14.  The skin was moist and dry.

15.  Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17.  Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18.  She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got
     a divorce.

19.  I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

20.  Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21.  Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22.  The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23.  Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24.  The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25.  Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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This is not a Harp Seal

It is her Princess-ness, lounging in the stairwell, unfazed even by camera flash.  Thunder and lightning are a completely different story, though…

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Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun…

Or, according to the headline from Discovery.com, “Red dwarfs may be safe havens for life“.

All together now:

I’d like to lie
Shipwrecked and comatose
Drinking fresh
Mango juice
Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes!
Fun, fun, fun
In the sun, sun, sun….

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Note to GM: Drop Dead [or Sic Transit Saturn, continued]

I’ve written the occassional reply to the slow trickle of General Motors literature that seeps into my mail. Their notes are usually in the tone of a hopeful suitor:

“We really loved having you as a customer. Wouldn’t you like to continue paying interest to GMAC again? Don’t you miss that new-car smell? We have some replacements for your Saturn eager to drive off the lot and into your heart”

And my usual reply is: “If you wanted to keep me as a customer, you could have kept the design spirit alive at Saturn, and if you wanted to keep in my good graces, you could have let Penske have a shot running a brand you clearly didn’t want anymore.”

It boggles my mind that GM seems to think I’ll forget their actions, or suddenly want to drive a large SUV when what I have consistently purchased were little zippy shark-beasties, despite some disappointment with their gas mileage.

What part of “I will not buy another car from you” haven’t they understood from previous correspondence?

.

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Festival of Bad Writing, Summer Edition #1

You know how it is — the bees are buzzing in the flowers, the lavender is ready to harvest, and maybe one morning the hummers will discover the agastache.  The frozen pineapple chunks have melted in your limoncello, and….

Oh.  Well, that’s how it is for me this afternoon.  Hey, at least if I’m projecting, I’m projecting a pleasant afternoon at y’all.

Here are a few less pleasant items:

“Appropriate use and disposal of dredged sediment deem vital roles in the security of the nation’s coastal and oceanic resources.”

“Over indulging is a concept that humans have been living through for the past hundred years.”

“These articles read as if an academic (professional) approach towards information and explanation.”

“A series of best management practices assist agricultural businesses by setting policies that allow farmers to abid by to provide equal and less harmful effects against the environment.”

“I am very interested in winemaking, vineyard management and just wine in general.  I would like very much to come over and introduce myself.  As well as try some of your wines.”

“These stakeholders contribute vital roles that dictate how [procedures] should be done in order to beneficially conerve and maintain economic, transportation, and integrity in the most beneficial ways.”

“The history of the Pierce’s disease is also explained as a method to inform the reasoning.”

“Positive community action whether it be cleaning and planting an area or boycotting companies with major infractions, observing change will inspire yet more action.”

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Pop Culture Irritation… [no wonder, Wonder Woman]

It’s not as if fighting for justice, truth, and peace was ever practical in a star-spangled swimsuit [armored or not].  But it appears that one of my favorite icons is getting a makeover courtesy of the brains behind Babylon 5.  I always did appreciate the complexity he wove into that series, but that doesn’t make me particularly enthusiastic about how he’ll treat Wonder Woman.  Initial reports are that the Amazons and their homeland are getting the axe [again], and that seems like cutting off the mythology at the knees.

F’goshsakes — the kink was supposed to be bondage [for character-building purposes], not mutilation. <sigh> O tempore, o mores! [Alas, I can’t say that in Themiscyran…]

Geeky Admission: Given that the architecture of Themiscyra was always on the classical Greek model, part of the fun was imagining if they’d have the missing documents of Aristotle and the Sophists hiding somewhere in their library…

And of course, this discussion wouldn’t be complete without some link love to GayProf’s essay on this subject.

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